Ocean

Yesterday night was my cousin's wedding. I can't make it on-time to the wedding at 7pm so my parents and sisters left me behind. After rushing from Segambut back to Klang, I just took a quick bath and drove to the wedding dinner. Luckily it was just a stone throw away from my house. Once reached there, I gave a call to my sister for the exact location. Once enter the ballroom, I was just in time. The wedding just started. I was being allocated at the first row. The wedding was really grand and my uncle had invited alot of peoples for the wedding. My aunt and uncle were questioning me why I was late. I just gave them a polite smile. I was still full with the heavy lunch I have had at Tenji. The food only started to serve at 9pm. My uncle was so warm to get me wain. Usually after 1-2 glasses of wain, I'm still ok but yesterday after the 1st glass of wain, I was ok but after 1 hour, I started to feel that my head was a bit heavy and heartbeat started to pump so fast. I can rea...

距离是用来计算从一个地方，到另一个地方所经过的路线的长度。槟城离这儿有多远？美国离这儿又有多远呢？这些都可以用数字计算出来。 可是人与人之间的距离才是最难衡量的，因为那不能用数字来计算，看不到，衡量不到，也只能用心去体会。尤其是女人，就只凭感觉，凭第六感来衡量与别人的距离。 我却缺乏了这种第六感。我很难琢磨人与人之间要如何保持适当的距离。什么距离才是安全的？很多时候，不知不觉就超越了自己应保持的距离。有时超越了那种应有的距离也还不知道。一旦发现时，才恍然大悟，可是已经伤了彼此原有的情谊。。。 如果你太热情，别人会说你滥交。如果你太冷漠，别人会说你高傲。就像如果你跟老板太好，别人就在你背后说你很会拍马屁。如果你对老板视而不见，老板又会觉得你不识抬举。 今天‘老豆’为我上了一堂宝贵的课。男人是不会做所谓的‘亏本生意’。也就是说，男人是不会无缘无故对一位女人好，除非他对她有某种企图，或女人给了男方一些暗示。这也有例外，除非那男人是你认识很久很久，彼此已经很了解对方。 他让我回想一些我曾经犯的错误。原来那些都是我的错。我给了不应该给的讯息让人误会。我忘了考虑彼此应保持的距离，而造成了困惑。 原来我是必须活在别人的当下。很多事都必须顾及别人的感受，别人如何看待自己。难道我就不能洒洒脱脱的做回我自己？还是我从来都不认识我自己？也不了解自己？ 做人真是一大学问。如果我可以拿捏人与人之间应保持的距离，我想我已经成功一半了。可是我想我注定是失败了例子。。。只因为我实在太懒惰去了解别人想什么，也不喜欢去猜测别人的想法。。。

Recently I were covered by all the bad luck. Not sure why all those bad things kept on happening to me... Since last month 13 June, I started to be covered by 'black cloud'. Server crash, outage again. It took me around 1 weeks to solve the problem and another 3 days 2 nights to fully restored the server and service. After that, I was hoping for a peaceful life but it doesn't end like that. 2nd July midnight, suddenly received called that the system was having problem again... I pop up from my bed to check the servers. Everything was alright. Then later found that both the DB encountered some problem. No vendor support. 12 midnight some more... What to do? So I just did something and then everything seems ok initially. Who knows after half an hour, found that both of the DB was down and cannot be re-booted. Do some troubleshooting but still cannot solved the problem. Can't help so just escalate to my manager then called vendor up for help. Vendor can't do anything a...

想与不想的差别是当你很想要做或得到某种东西时，你会不惜一切的想尽办法达到目的。不想做或不想要的东西，即使垂首可得也可能在所不惜。 这次澳洲旅行的飞机票，去年已经买了。可是一点想去的欲望也没有，所以准备也没做。最后一个星期才开始上网找了住宿。很早就想放弃，理由是不想与我妹妹一起去。一直以来，跟她的感情最不好。虽然同房，可是我们可以不说一句话。一开口就是语带讽刺，你一句，我一句，谁也不让谁。 人很多时候，很奇怪。对一个人有偏见时，不管他做什么，你就是看不顺眼。我对我妹妹就是这种感觉。。。 当天因为发生了一些状况，我整天都在忙着工作。其实这两个月，我都非常忙。很多不如意的情况发生了，搞得我天翻地覆。根本没把去澳洲的事放在心上。连上机的时间也没检查或留意。 当天也因为工作搞到8时才出发去机场。我的好妹妹竟然把我们9时25分的班机当成10时25分。抵达时，竟然已经8时55分了。亚行根本就不让我们登机。我反而松了一口气，也没有失落的感觉。一回家，又开始工作，我想我一定是工作狂了。。。 她就不停的问我，要不要星期日再搭飞机去？我可真的被她烦死了，拒绝了她的要求。我宁可牺牲那些机票也不想陪她去。 当我终于把我手头上的麻烦解决后，又开始过意不去。结果还是在买了机票，陪她一起去。可是一抵达，我们又开始闹意见了。把气氛搞到很差，也没心情去玩，去享受哪儿的环境。 原来不想做一件事而去做是那么的不愉快，也会把身边的气氛与环境变差。其实如果想去旅行，最好找一些与你志同道合的人。不然你就会像我那么后悔莫及了。

Today is Mother's Day. Initially plan to take my mum for 'Dim Sum' but end up my mum preparing dinner for us. After the dinner, we planned to visit my grandma who's very sick. It took us around 50 minutes to cross the bridge which is under construction now. When we reached there, I can heard the chanting of Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo came from the 1st floor where my grandma stayed... I just had a bad feeling. When I saw my cousin who came to open the door for us was crying in red eyes, I knew at once that my grandma no longer around... She just passed away at 9pm meanwhile we reached there around 15 minutes later... Missed the last moment to be with her. She was sleeping peacefully on the bed, holding tightly on her prayer beads. Actually I just can vividly remember that when I was small, I was once taken care by her because my mum didn't manage to get a babysister to take care of me. The only memory I'm still having was her chanting of Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo and recitati...

最近也不知道是不是荷尔蒙失调，仰或心理不平衡，总是觉得很郁闷，很暴躁。做什么也提不起劲来。 在公司里，就像一个没有灵魂的躯壳。早上一到就是把耳机塞进耳朵里，开着最近下载的日文歌，重复又重复的听。把工作做完后，就在哪儿发呆，东张西望。今天更无聊到，可以写部落格。。。 回家后，什么也不理。吃晚饭后就是打开电脑，又重播同样的歌，然后躺在床上，什么也没做，不知不觉就睡着了。进入深夜时，我就会惊醒。把电脑关了后，就开始在床上翻来覆去，很难入眠。 只要母亲开始唠叨，我的心情就更糟了。乱发一场脾气，拍拍屁股就走了。 难道这就是所谓的更年期？不会吧？那么早。。。可是种种症状很明显的显示出我的心理很不寻常。 女人的心情就像天气一样-阴晴不定。有时连女人自己都不知道自己为什么会那样。就像我现在。。。如果医学上有药治这种病，我想销售量应该很好 :)

开始启用 ‘Ocean’ 应该是大学开始吧。那时我第一次登录MSN。左想想，有想想，用什么代名呢？？？ 结果就启用了‘Ocean’ - 海洋。 在大学时，记不起有没有人问过我为什么用 ‘Ocean’。 可能有,可是印象不深刻。 当我开始出来社会工作后，尤其是我的旧公司，同事开始问我为什么用‘Ocean’。 我都是以微笑带过。 当他们开始把 ‘Ocean’ 取代我的名时，还有点不习惯呢，常常抗议。可是后来，我也习以为常。 反而现在，好像没有人再记得我的名或用我的名呼唤我了。。。 回想当时选 ‘Ocean’ 时，应该是我正迷惑着，就像迷失在海洋真中央，不知去向。 那时我即将毕业，人生的新旅途也即将诞生。 一直以来都是以既来之，则安之的态度对待我的人生。 社会这名词是多么的陌生。 我不知道我应该以怎样的心态来面对。 我能适应吗？ 我能面对社会的险恶丑态？ 我想我是很彷徨的。。。 可是出来社会工作，也没遇上什么大风大雨，也只能说一路来都是平平凡凡的过了。 有时还开始怀疑这是我想要的吗？ 我又跌入了无底的海洋里，试图挣扎找出路。 工作换了一份又一份，我想我还是在一望无际的海洋里，寻寻觅觅地找一个可以让我靠岸的避风港。